Saturday, April 13, 2019

You > Me

How did I end up here? How did lose I everything precious to me? How did I destroy relationships? How did I hurt those closest to me? The answer is actually pretty simple, every action I took and choice I made was solely for myself.

Being a man is much deeper than the stereotype its given.  Not too long ago I watched several documentaries about the Navy Seals and I was blown away.  The mental strength that is forged from their training is unreal.  As the training progresses usually someone steps up to keep the unit together and pushes them beyond their limit.  They must all keep going because if one fails they all fail.  These elite individuals are denied sleep and rest, the urge to quit is easy.  I wouldn't last one day with these guys.  When they chose to keep going they were performing a true act of selflessness.  I am tired and hungry but if I give up the rest will fail. Now, I'm not comparing ourselves to Seals but the idea is there. I must think of others if we are going to succeed.

I was a preteen when I was forced to be a role model and in charge of my younger siblings.  I had no idea how to be a big brother and guide my three brothers and sister.  As I look back I was not really there for them, it is something I regret to this day.  As I grew into my teen years and young adult life, every hardship that confronted me I bailed as fast as I could.  It was much easier to run away than to face the problem. The selfishness was that I wanted to end my pain first before making sure that everyone was alright. My desires came above everyone else's, "so you're hurting, well I'm hurting too and what I'm going through is really more important" (this was an actually thought that ran through my mind).  This mentality bled into my first marriage.  I was non existent during hardships and never supportive.  I did not push through the pain of life and face things and that selfish action caused my unit to fail.  I let them all, friends, myself, and God.  The guilt and shame from that outcome held me down for years.  

Yes, I know, pretty depressing, but the story does not end there.  I thank God for second chances.  I have found a new life with a woman I am madly in love with, and a son and daughter who mean the world to me.  God restored what was broken and gave me a beautiful gift.  Now I have vowed to protect this second chance, whatever the cost. I am tired, I am sleep deprived, I don't know if I can make it.  That doesn't matter, if I fail my unit, if I fail my family, my family fails.

I understand I am under construction right now, I will continue to explore the true meaning of being a man.  We have to set micro goals to reach the place we want to go to.  Today let's focus on being selfless to the ones we love.  Thank you for taking the time to read today's post.  Please share if you feel this might help someone else.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves..."  Philippians 2:3


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